


for all the boys i've dreamed of - renjun

by neogotmyheart



Series: for all the boys i've dreamed of [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, Light Angst, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 14:39:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18875224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neogotmyheart/pseuds/neogotmyheart
Summary: renjun had moved across the street when you were five years old and the two of you had been best friends ever since. when high school started, you constantly had your mind buried in romantic novels making you very familiar with the friends to lovers trope. determined to not fall into the cliche pattern, you wrote your feelings into a letter and hid it away. just how long could you deny your feelings when your best friend now had his hands on your secret confession?





	for all the boys i've dreamed of - renjun

The blaring alarm woke you up on a crisp Wednesday morning. Fall was your favorite season. Reds, oranges, and yellows covered the ground thanks to the fallen leaves. The weather was perfect and school was finally starting to settle down from the beginning of the year excitement. 

You ran downstairs to find that your best friend was already sitting at the table with some pancakes in front of him. Your mom appeared to be getting another plate ready for you while you sat down next to him.

Renjun raised an eyebrow at you. “Are you gonna have time to eat?”

“Wow. Friends this long and you don’t know that I’m the fastest pancake eater in a 300 mile radius. I’m hurt.” You feigned insult.

He rolled his eyes before returning to his own breakfast. You quickly cut up your pancakes before practically inhaling them and handing the plate to your mother.

“You’re going to choke.” Your brother, Jisung, observed from his spot at the table.

“Let her. She’ll learn her lesson.” Renjun mumbled, standing up and thanking your mom for breakfast. “Let’s go, ___. I’m sure you can finish chewing in the car.”

You followed after him and climbed into the car. Instead of talking like you normally did, Renjun turned the radio up so loud it would be near impossible for you to talk over. His face was scrunched up and he had the look in his eyes that he always had when he was focussing much too hard on something. You turned down the volume and he looked at you confused.

“Why did you do that?”

“Are you okay?” You asked him concerned.

“Fine.” His curt answer was very unlike him. Renjun liked to put up a tough front but he was actually the opposite of impolite. If he was really fine, he would have never given an answer in this fashion.

“Yeah, sure. You sound just fine.”

He let out a small puff before turning the radio back up. It was almost as if he was mad at you but you didn’t know what for. You thought about everything that could have happened between last night and this morning. It wasn’t that you were running late because the two of you were going to make it to school with plenty of time. Plus, Renjun had never been a freak about punctuality. You crossed your arms and sunk down in your seat, eager to get to school. 

In the time the two of you had been friends, you had fought plenty. When you were five, you had your first fight because you accidentally took his toy home thinking it was yours. It was over in thirty minutes. Your biggest fight lasted a week and it was whenever you were twelve. For as big of a fight as it was, you couldn’t even remember what it was about. The bickering was a daily occurrence for the two of you, but it never progressed into anything serious. In the history of fights between the two of you, Renjun had never acted like this. It was confusing and upsetting, to say the least. At least every other time you had fought, you knew what was happening. Right now, you were at a complete loss for words thanks to his lack of communication. 

By the time lunch came around, you were sitting at your lunch table alone. It was to be expected with the cold shoulder you got this morning, but it was disappointing nonetheless.

“Hey, ___.”

You looked up to find the class president waiting in front of you. “Hey, Jaems. What’s up?”

“I just wanted to talk to you really fast.”

You had a nervous feeling in your gut. “Okay, first Renjun this morning and now you. Why is everyone being weird?”

“You sent out these letters and it’s not a big deal, I just wanted to talk to you because I feel like we’ve become good friends again now that we have a class together and I-”

“Wait, what letters?” 

He looked at you, brows furrowed before he reached into his backpack and pulled out an envelope. You recognized it as soon as you saw the first corner. Handing it to you, he sat down in the chair in front of you.

“Jaemin… Where did you get this?” 

“The mail.” He said it like it was obvious. “Jeno and Hyuck had one, too. They said they didn’t want to upset you so I guess I’m speaking for all of us.”

“Did you see anyone else with one?” You would worry about the other three boys in a minute but right now you needed to confirm whether or not the one you feared most had his.

“Yeah, one fell out of Renjun’s bag earlier. I just figured he had already talked to you about it.” Jaemin took out his own lunch. “Is it okay if I sit here?”

“Yeah, of course. And he definitely didn’t.” It explained the awkward car ride this morning and his sudden absence at lunch. You dropped your head to the table, overwhelmed with embarrassment now that secret words were revealed to the not so intended recipients.

“I’m sure it’s not a big deal. None of us cared. He probably is just trying to figure out how to tell you without upsetting you.” Jaemin reassured you, taking a bite of his sandwich.

“Avoiding me is definitely more upsetting than just finding out.”

“He’s a guy. You can’t expect him to have put that much thought into it.” 

That was the problem. Renjun was the most thoughtful person you had ever met. He always knew what exactly upset you and why without you telling him. Now, he was willing to be anywhere except where you were, meaning he was probably upset to some sort of degree.

“___.”

You looked up at Jaemin, resting your chin on your hands folded underneath you.

“You don’t have to answer this, but do you have feelings for him?”

“I don’t know.” You said. 

“So, you do.”

“No,” you drew out the single syllable before continuing. “I don’t know.”

“You would know if you didn’t. ‘I don’t know’ means you do and you just don’t want to admit it.” Jaemin looked at you and you knew he saw through all of it. He saw through the front you put up and he saw through the lies you told everyone, including yourself.

You groaned, finally being forced to admit it. “Maybe.”

“What are you gonna do?”

You shrugged. “I should probably at least try to talk to him. I’ll just go off whatever he does.”

“What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

“I’ll pretend. I have been for the past 3 years, anyway.” You gestured to the letter in front of Jaemin. “Except for a short break.”

“Lab sophomore year?”

“Yeah.”

“I liked you, too.” He admitted and you found yourself hoping your heart would have fluttered at his words, but instead it had the same dull rhythm that it always did. “You’re an amazing person. You never know. Maybe Renjun has also been pretending.”

“I doubt it. This would probably be easier if I still had a crush on you, instead.” You never really saw Jaemin. You had become good friends from having classes together, but with his busy schedule, you never hung out. It wouldn’t be absolutely soul shattering to have him not talk to you. Instead, you sat at what would be an otherwise empty lunch table if Jaemin wasn’t here while your best friend and the person you loved most was currently not talking to you.

“Honestly, I wish you did. But, I get it. You spend every day with him. I stopped talking to you after our lab, which was stupid of me. You didn’t hear from me at all between lab and Literature this year.” He shrugged. The whole situation made you feel bad but better at the same time. Jaemin was expressing his feelings without shame or embarrassment. You tried to change your thought process to make this a good thing but it still wasn’t working. There was no denying it. This was an utter disaster.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized, unsure of how to respond to his confession.

“Don’t apologize, really.” He gave you a smile, patting your hand. “Let’s just change the subject, yeah?” 

You nodded in agreement before turning your attention to your phone. Pulling up your messages you searched for Renjun’s name.

 

**_You: when were you going to tell me you got that letter..._ **

**_Jun: Can we just talk about it after school? I can’t really answer right now._ **

 

He could answer you. There wasn’t anything he didn’t text through. He spent the majority of his day texting you. The only exception was in his art class because he usually had either paint or clay all over his hands. You rolled your eyes in an attempt to not cry and put you phone back in your pocket. The last thing you needed was for something stupid like this to come between you when you had done such a good job of pretending those words meant nothing to you.

You and Jaemin finished lunch together before walking to your next class. The rest of the day passed slower than usual with the new, unexpected burden weighing on your chest. Renjun always drove you home which meant pretty soon you were going to have to face him and that stupid letter.

Ringing found your ears from the final bell of the day. You slowly gathered up all your things and began what felt like what you assumed a walk of shame felt like. People passed you chattering about their days and telling jokes while you tried to bite back all the fears that were threatening to come to the surface.

It wasn’t long before you spotted Renjun’s old jeep sitting in its usual spot. You could see him through the windshield, foot perched up on the dashboard as he scrolled through his phone absentmindedly. Reluctantly, you pulled on the handle, letting yourself into his car and gaining his attention.

“Hey. How was your day?” He asked. It felt genuine and you took it as a sign that you could move past what you would deem a rather horrific accident.

You sighed, tossing your backpack onto the floorboard. “You know, it would have been a lot better if those letters never got sent out.”

There was no point in prolonging the inevitable. Both of your minds were on the topic and it would be painful to try and have a conversation that wasn’t about the written confession.

“Yeah, about that.” Renjun slid the envelope out of his back pocket, handing it back to you between two fingers.

You accepted it, putting it in your backpack with Jaemin’s.

He looked at you before speaking up again. “Did you mean what you said in the letter?”

It had been a while since you looked at the letter, but it wasn’t too far fetched to assume you still had those feelings. Possibly even stronger, but you couldn’t admit that. “At that point in time, yes.” 

“And what about the very last part?”

“I haven’t looked at it since freshman year. I don’t remember what I said.” You knew exactly which part he was talking about but you continued to lie through your teeth.

“You said you would move past it. Did you? You know… move past it.”

“Yes.” You lied. “I was just confused. You were there all the time and I started to wonder what it would be like to maybe be more. It’s not like that anymore.”

Renjun nodded, hands gripping and ungripping the steering wheel in a slow, repeated fashion.

“Are you okay?” You still were unable to read his expression and that was new for you. Sometimes you could read him so well that you felt like you might as well be in his head. Right now, all you heard was static.

“Yeah.” He nodded and put the car into drive, maneuvering through the traffic to leave the parking lot.

“You’re still being weird.”

Renjun waited a second before looking at you. “We’re still us, right?”

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I don’t want you to start flaking out on me because I read that letter.”

“Renjun, it’s okay. We can honestly just pretend like it never happened.”

He chewed on his lip. “Yeah. Pretend it never happened. You’re right.”

He pulled up to your house parking the car. He stared at his hands and his dashboard, not even acknowledging you getting out and leaving. It felt weird not sitting in his car and joking around like you usually did, but you had a feeling that Renjun might need some time to process everything. Even though you had been dealing with these feelings for years, this was the first time he was learning about them.

The week went by with little to no communication between the two of you. You wanted to give him space but it was starting to get hard considering you felt like he was overreacting. The feelings were long gone and it was nothing to continue being upset over. It certainly wasn’t something that was worth risking the friendship.

The two of you sat at lunch on Friday, polite small talk filling what would have definitely been an awkward silence. You cleared your throat, looking up at your best friend. “You’re staying the night tonight, right?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” He spun his water bottle in a circle and focused on its movements, refusing to look at you.

You were at your breaking point and you couldn’t hold back any longer. It had been a week of painful attempts at conversation and less than pleasant interactions. The two of you agreed that it would be the same between you, but this couldn’t be more different. “Okay. Let me say it differently. You’re staying the night tonight because we need to fix this. The letter was from three years ago and it isn’t worth throwing away a literal lifetime worth of friendship.”

Renjun looked up at you, surprised. You never snapped at him and when you did it was mostly a joke. “You’re right. I’m sorry. We’ll have to stop at my place first because I didn’t pack anything.”   
“What a horrible inconvenience. I wish you lived right next door to me so it could be a quick stop.” You said sarcastically before reaching over his arm and taking a bite of his sandwich.

He rolled his eyes. “I say you’re right  _ one time  _ and you go stealing my food.”

“What’s yours is mine.”

“You mean ‘what’s mine is yours’.”

“Exactly. That’s what I said.” The joke was bad but you could tell he understood by the look he was giving you.

He sighed, pretending to be exasperated from the short exchange.“Why are we friends?”

“Because you’re intolerable and I’m the only one who will put up with you.” You shot back, reaching for more of his food but he slapped your hand away.

“Right, of course. I’m the intolerable one.” He mumbled sarcastically.

“Yes. Wow, Renjun. We’re really on the same page today.”

“I’m gonna use all the blankets tonight just so you have none.” His tone was flat.

“You’ll sweat to death.” You countered.

“I will bear the harshest punishments if it means that you suffer as a result.” He stood up taking his tray to the trash and you followed after him. 

Just like that, the playful banter was back and you couldn’t be more grateful. You were tired of walking on eggshells around him when he was your best friend. With the reaction you received just from him finding out you  _ used to _ have feelings for him, you were glad you didn’t tell him the truth. 

The rest of the afternoon passed by quickly and the last bell rang before you could really admit that you were ready. Surely, things would be fine, but you couldn’t help the nerves that were building at the thought of spending the night with Renjun.

You walked out to his car, climbing in. He rambled aimlessly about some lab activity that went horribly wrong and you tried to focus on that instead of the proximity of your arms. You hung all over each other all the time and you never cared before. Well, you did, but it was something that you brushed off and ignored quickly. This time it was almost like you could feel the heat from his arm on your skin. Everything was so frustrating. You had spent so long in denial and it was working just fine. Now you couldn’t even put your arm next to his.

You moved it carefully, placing both hands in your lap and focusing on anything but the boy next to you. It was almost like the discovery of the letter made your feelings somehow deepen. You still had all night with the boy so you needed to get it together and fast. 

“Hey, what movie are we watching tonight?”

You were so focused on how you were going to make it through the night, you didn’t realize that it had been dead silent until now. “What?”

“What movie are we watching? It’s your turn to pick.”

“Ponyo.”

Though you were still avoiding looking at him, you could tell he was rolling his eyes. “When do we not watch Ponyo?”

“It’s a great movie about the unconditional love that stems from childlike friendship.”

“Are you trying to teach me a lesson with this or something?” He sighed.

“If the shoe fits, Huang Renjun.”

He laughed, shaking his head as he pulled into his driveway. “I’ll be over there in a second.”

You climbed out of the car and made your way inside. Things were going great. You were telling jokes again and he actually talked to you as opposed to the ridiculous silence over the past week. Everything would be okay if you just acted like normal. 

Except that became increasingly difficult as the movie started. It wasn’t like the two of you downright cuddled, but you would throw your legs over his lap or rest your head on his shoulder. Now it seemed like the two of you were hyper-focused on every movement. You were too nervous to have any sort of contact but you didn’t want your discomfort to be blatantly obvious. You settled for laying down on the sectional with your head resting next to his lap. 

“Can we talk?” Renjun asked, just quietly enough for you to hear.

You sat up and looked at him. Your stomach felt like it was in your throat, but you forced yourself to answer anyway. “Yeah, of course.”

“I haven’t been handling this whole situation well and it’s obvious. I’m sorry.”

He hasn’t been handling the situation well? It was your letters that got sent out for every boy you’ve ever liked to read. It didn’t seem fair that he got to be the grouchy one when you were the one having to do damage control. You took the opportunity to be honest with him. “I don’t want to be rude, but why haven’t you been handling it well? Is the idea of me having feelings for you really that upsetting?”

His eyes widened and he shook his head. “No. That’s not it at all.”

“Then what is it? You have to understand how hurtful it is to me that you just stop talking to me just because you found out I had feelings for you years ago. It makes me question how good of friends we really are.”

“It’s not that you had feelings for me. It’s that I could lose you if something ever went wrong. The idea of not being friends with you anymore because of something like this scares me.”

It wasn’t often that Renjun genuinely talked about how much you meant to him. It was only on birthdays and some holidays. Every other time you knew from his actions or the things he would do for you. To hear him talk about losing you was a huge reminder that you meant more to him than he would like to admit.

Whatever frustration you had with the situation slowly faded. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I thought it would just sort itself out, but it obviously hasn’t. It’s been weird all day for me and I didn’t know how to fix it.” He admitted, playing with his hands.

“We should have talked sooner. Like seriously talked. I think I just ignored your feelings in the car the day the letters first came out and I-”

He interrupted you. “No, I was being inconsiderate.”

“Okay, let’s not try and be nice to each other all of the sudden. That’s weird.” You fake grimaced. You didn’t mind the kindness, but it was awkward and abnormal for the two of you.

“So you wanted me to be nice to you but now you don’t?” Renjun raised an eyebrow. He knew what you wanted but you also knew he loved to mess with you.

“I want you to be normal, not all mushy gushy.” You clarified.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I misunderstood.” His fake apology was obvious from the tone of his voice and the mischievous glint in his eyes. “The letter was pretty sappy so I thought that’s what we were doing now.”

You hit him with a pillow and tried to keep a straight face in order to appear mad. There was no way he didn’t see through it.

Renjun looked amused. “What? Too soon?”

He pulled you in for a hug and you rested your head against his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist. You sighed. Despite joking around, you were just as scared of losing Renjun. He was more important to you than words could describe and that was a scary feeling. This past week had been hell as you walked on thin ice around the boy. One wrong move and you were scared you would ruin everything you spent years building.

“I really am sorry,” Renjun said as he rubbed your back.

You looked at him. “Apologize one more time and I’ll hit you.”

“But-”

“Nope! We’re moving on. I said so.” You sat up crossing your arms, lips in a slight pout.

“Okay, fine. Moving on.” Renjun put his hands up in surrender. “This week, while I was immaturely avoiding you, I realized I hate everyone.”

“That’s not true. You have friends besides me.” You reminded him.

“Okay. Not everyone. Jeno isn’t the worst. Jaemin’s too nice to hate.”

“Aren’t you friends with Donghyuck, too?” The boy was seen with Renjun frequently and even though he liked to pretend Hyuck annoyed him, you knew he had a soft spot for him and actually enjoyed hanging out with him.

“He’s mildly entertaining.” He admitted, running a hand through his hair.

You rolled your eyes. “So what you’re saying is the only person you like in the whole world is me.”

“I’m pretty sure I said I hated  _ everyone _ , ___.” 

“I understood the implied message, but whatever you say.” You answered smugly, grabbing a pillow and resting back onto the couch next to him. He grabbed his own pillow, laying his head next to yours. 

The rest of the movie passed by with little talked. This time wasn’t because of the awkward tension, but because Renjun hates when people talk during movies. It didn’t matter how many times he had seen the film if you talked, you were scolded. It was nice for things to genuinely feel back to normal. You were still way too aware of where each part of his body was in relation to yours. Now, it was easier because only the tops of your heads were close and that was significantly less stressful than the thought of your hands grazing or your thighs being pressed together. 

When the movie ended, the couch shifted as Renjun looked around for the remote. You could feel Renjun watching you, but you didn’t want to look and confirm your suspicions. The rest of the movie had been fine and peaceful, but now that the living room was filled with darkness and silence, a weird tension fell over the two of you once again. It felt different than before, but it still wasn’t something you understood. You closed your eyes momentarily and just when you were about to open them, you felt Renjun’s fingers in your hair. He sighed before whispering. “___?”

You chose not to answer. Acknowledging Renjun would mean having to wade through unfamiliar waters. You didn’t want to try and sift through this new atmosphere.

“Why is this so hard?” He asked quietly, fingers gently working through the strands at your scalp.

Why was what so hard? The two of you had just figured everything out. Was everything he was doing tonight just a front? It was frustrating that even after that conversation, he still wasn’t being honest with you. You chose to ignore him and try to go to sleep even if every place his fingers touched lit a fire on your skin. 

You woke up the next morning to banging in the kitchen. Renjun was no longer next to you and you hoped he hadn’t snuck out and went back to his house either after you fell asleep or this morning. It was a tradition to go get breakfast, or usually lunch, from a small diner every Saturday. You rubbed at your eyes, attempting to bring some life to them when your best friend plopped down on to the couch next to you.

“You woke up late.”

“We stayed up until two in the morning. I’m sure I slept a decent amount of time.

He grimaced before backing away from you, waving his hand in front of his face. “Ew, gross. Go brush your teeth before you talk to me. You have morning breath.”

“Be mean to me one more time, and I won’t brush my teeth for a week and then wake you up by breathing in your face.”

Renjun looked at you in disapproval, clearly disgusted by your threat. “That’s horribly unhygienic. Please never do that.”

“Don’t try me then.” You countered as you got up to go to the bathroom. Despite the weird thing he said when he thought you were asleep. Things between you and Renjun seemed to be back to normal. It was a relief knowing that the two of you could move forward. You may have to continue acting like you aren’t in love with him, but this was nothing new for you.

When you came out dressed and ready to go, you could tell Renjun was doing his best to act like he was impatiently waiting. You checked the time earlier and it was only 10:30, but you knew your best friend just liked to give you a hard time whenever he deemed fit. 

He laid on the couch, tapping mindlessly on his phone. As you got closer, you realized that the screen was just black. “Were you just pretending to do stuff on your phone?”

“I have to make you feel bad you making me wait.”

You stared at him for a moment. He never failed to surprise you. “I can’t deal with you. Let’s go.”

The ride was filled with seeing who could scream the lyrics to a sound as loud and as incorrect as possible. Whoever was the most creative while still matching the beat won while the loser had to buy lunch. You put up a strong front on the beginning, but Renjun was too creative and ended up turning the last song of the small trip into a diss track towards you and there was no competition. You were laughing too hard to even try to battle back.

You walked into the small diner, making your way to the usual spot. Every worker at the eatery was familiar to you now with how often the two of you came. It was how you spotted the new boy almost right away. He had a bright smile with dark, raven hair and you could hear his laugh from where you sat at the table. He was definitely cute and you know that you hadn’t seen him around before. 

“How much you wanna bet they’ll put us with the new guy?” Renjun asked.

You shrugged. “They’ll probably do it because we’re the easiest table. We get the same thing every single time.”

"We could be a little difficult.”

You gave him a warning glance. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Seriously, ___. We would be doing him a favor. Absolutely no one who visits this place will be as nice as we are. We are giving him unrealistic expectations.”

You picked up your menu, bringing it down on his head. “Do not be mean to him.”

“You’re boring.” He groaned.

“No, I just have a conscience.”

“Oh, so that’s what you call it.” He joked, unrolling his silverware and putting his napkin on his lap. You usually teased him for how formal he was in a rundown place like this, but as much as you hated to admit it, you actually found it pretty cute. You liked the way he lined up all his silverware and got everything ready like he was about to be eating the world’s finest meal when you both knew he would just get a huge plate of chicken and waffles.

The new boy approached your table, smiling at the two of you. “Hey, guys. I’m Mark. I’ll be your server today. What can I get for you?”   
“I need a glass of milk but it needs to be directly from the cow and then sat in the chiller for 30 minutes before brought out to me.” Renjun requested with a straight face as he flipped through the menu.

You watched Mark’s brows furrow as he tried to decide how to handle the situation.

“He’ll just have a water and one for me, too, please.” You explained, giving the new waiter a sympathetic look.

“Do I need to make sure to get his from the nearest freshwater stream and make ice out of purified rainwater?” He asked as the corner of his lip quirked up.

You were surprised by his ability to adapt so quickly and were more than happy to play along with the joke. “No. In fact, you can get his from the tap and that’ll suit him just fine.”

Mark nodded at you, giving you a smile before walking back behind the counter. You looked up expecting to find Renjun playfully giving you a hard time, but instead, he was staring intently at his menu. You felt like you were in the car with the day of the letters all over again. Every time you took a step forward, it seemed like you slipped right on back.

You cleared your throat. “Know what you want?”

“I get the same thing every time, don’t I?” He responded, words short.

“Just asking because you’re looking at that menu like it has the meaning to life.”

He closed it before setting it on the table. “Sorry I was looking at my options. It seems like that’s what you were doing a second ago with Mark.” He said the boy’s name in a mocking tone.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“He was clearly flirting with you.” Renjun lowered his voice as he gestured towards the counter

“We were joking around. Besides, why does it matter? Servers have flirted with you and I’ve never punished you for it.”

“Because I never flirt back.” He stared at you, waiting for your response.

“I did not flirt back. Even if I did, who cares? We’re friends, Renjun.” You reminded him. He was the one so keen on keeping things the same and making sure you two weren’t affected. Why did he care if a new waiter flirted with you?

He looked at you for a second. “Right of course. How could I forget?” The bitter words left his mouth and it hurt more than you expected. 

Mark came back with water in hand. He must have sensed the tension at the table because he kept whatever witty remark he had planned to himself. “Um, what can I get for you guys?”

You ordered a stack of pancakes before you and Mark turned your attention to Renjun. “You know what? I’m good.” He said before standing up and getting out of the small booth. “I’ll see you later, ___.”

Before you had a chance to respond, he was out the door and you were left alone in the diner without a friend or a ride home. You covered your face and sank into the worn out cushion behind you. 

“I’ll, uh, be right back with your pancakes.”

You fought back tears as you pulled out your phone. You couldn’t call Renjun for obvious reasons. Calling your mom would mean explaining the situation and you just weren’t sure you were ready for that. You dialed the first person you could think of.

You were lucky enough that they answered after only a few rings. “Hello?”

“Jaemin?” You ask. You heard your voice crack but maybe he didn’t notice it.

“___? Are you okay?” So he definitely noticed it.

“Do you mind coming and picking me up? I’m at the diner on 7th.” You looked around and saw Mark bringing out your pancakes. He shot you an apologetic look as he set the plate down in front of you.

“I know what you’re talking about. I’ll be there in a second.” He hung up before you even had a chance to tell him to take his time. 

He walked in a few minutes later and slid into the booth across from you while you picked at your pancakes. Renjun’s silverware was still set up perfectly for the morning meal. Jaemin looked at the table and saw the discarded menu along with the abandoned napkin and looked back up at you. “Was Renjun here?”

You nodded. “You can have some of these pancakes. I’m not very hungry anymore.”

“What happened? I can’t imagine Renjun ever leaving you without a way to get back.”

“Yeah well, that makes two of us.” You said, pushing the plate towards the boy across from you. “He got mad saying me and the waiter were flirting and stormed out.”

“Did you talk to him about the letter?”

You nodded. “Yeah, we agreed we would never talk about it again.”

“Okay, so, no.” He corrected you.

“I said yes.” You furrowed your brows looking up at him but Jaemin remained unconvinced.

“No, the two of you ignored it. Did you even ask him how he felt about it?”

“What do you mean?” Why would you ask him how he felt about it if the letter was almost four years old?

“I don’t want to explain it all to you because I don’t feel like that’s my place. But, I do think you should talk about the letter again.”

“I’m getting to the point where I just want to burn the damn thing.” You sighed, dropping your head into your hands. You rubbed your forehead, hoping the circular motions would relieve some of the stress gathered in your brain.

“I wouldn’t want to talk about either but it’s obviously causing a lot of stress between you two. Talk about it again and this time, be honest. Don’t wait for him to say something because you know Renjun. He won’t talk about his feelings unless he has to.”

“I called you for a ride, not a therapy session,” you teased, finger tracing along the rim of your glass.

He gave you a soft smile. “It’s an added perk. Now, if you really don’t want those pancakes, I’ll eat them. Then, I’ll take you home so you can put this fire out before it burns everything.”

“That sounds scary and intense.”

“I was trying to be cool and dramatic. Did it work?”

“No.” You smiled at him. Calling him was the right idea. You felt comfortable around him and were thankful he was so kind. What happened just minutes ago still hurt, but Jaemin helped relieve some of the sting while still keeping the hope alive. You needed to stop running from your problems and face them head-on. When you were going to do that you didn’t know, but you would… eventually. 

The rest of your time at the diner made you wonder why you didn’t hang out with Jaemin more. He was a good friend to you when he really had no reason to be. You weren’t necessarily close by any means but he came straight here when you called. The past few years had been spent focusing so hard on Renjun that you almost missed out on friendships with other people. You were still beyond mad that your best friend left you in a diner all alone with no way to get home, but you were thankful for the fact that you were able to get closer to Jaemin because of it.

He dropped you off and you thanked him profusely. The two of you agreed to hang out more and you got out of the car, looking over towards Renjun’s house before making your way back inside.

As soon as you made your way inside and got comfortable on the couch, you heard a knock at your door and reluctantly stood up, already knowing who was on the other side of the wooden barrier. You had given yourself a small pep talk on the way home about how you were just going to grab the bull by the horns but now that the bull was right in front of you, you didn’t think it was such a good idea anymore. Opening the door slowly you saw who you thought was your best friend kicking at the mat in front of your door.

“Hey.” He said, voice small.

You walked outside, closing the door behind you and standing in front of him, “Hi.”

“Can we take a walk?” He asked you, unsure and clearly unconfident. He was expecting you to say no.

You nodded, turning to close the door behind you. The two of you walked next to each other in silence, neither of you really sure what you wanted to say.

“I saw Jaemin’s car.”

“Yeah.” You confirmed. “I called him and asked him to pick me up.”

“Oh.”

The few words were suffocating. Things with Renjun had never been so uncomfortable. Even when you first figured out that you had feelings for him, you were able to act like nothing happened. Swallowing your emotions was something that came so naturally to you now. Knowing that he got the letter and it was messing everything up was heartbreaking. Especially since you thought everything was fine last night. To have him storm out of the restaurant and leave you was something you had never expected. This whole week you had seen a side of Renjun that was nothing short of confusing. Each day left you with more questions and no answers and you were ready for this to end.

"I'm sorry I left you. I shouldn't have done that."  


"No, you shouldn't have."  


"I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't be in there anymore." He kicked at a rock before continuing his pace.

You shook your head. "You haven't been talking to me at all lately. I can't fix something if I don't know what's going on."  


He sighed. "That's the thing. I don't know if you can fix it."

Instead of acknowledging his cryptic statement, you kept walking. What was there that you couldn't fix. The two of you had been through everything together and there was never anything that you didn't talk about. You were each other's rock. Everything had felt so shakey this week that now, you didn't even know what you were to each other.

As you approached the playground you used to play on as children, you finally worked up the courage to start your small speech. “Renjun, we need to talk about that letter.”

“I don’t want to talk about that anymore.” He said, making his way to one of the swings the two of you were way too familiar with.

You chose on next to him, swaying slightly. “I do.”

“Why?” He asked, peering at you sideways.

You took a deep breath. “Because I lied.”

“About what?” He asked you, confused.

“I didn’t get over it. I never got over you. I love you, Renjun.” You finally admitted. Years worth of emotional burdens felt like they were lifted off your shoulders. Even if he rejected you, the two of you could truly move forward and actually try to become friends with you if he still wanted that. If he didn’t, then he wasn’t who you thought he was.

He looked at you for a second, twisting his swing to face you better. “Why didn’t you say something when I first got the letter?”

“You avoided me all day and then would barely talk to me when you finally did see me. I thought you were so disturbed by the fact that I could actually have feelings for you.”

He shook his head. “I avoided you because of the fact that you said you would get over it. I couldn’t face you knowing I was in love with you and you moved on.”

“You’re in love with me?” You asked him, it was all so clear now but it didn’t change the shock. The way he acted so disappointed when you told him you moved on. Storming out of the restaurant because of Mark “flirting” with you. Even the random comment he made last night. The two of you had been in love with each other for years, but neither of you wanted to admit it.

“How else would I have been able to put up with you all this time.” He got up from the swing and stood in front of you, resting his hands above yours on the chain. “I have loved you since I was five years old.”

You looked up with him, undoubtedly smiling like the biggest fool in the world. But you couldn’t find it in you to care as Renjun leaned down, pressing his lips to yours. Everything about the kiss was right. This was how things were meant to be and the two of you were fools for ignoring it all this time. You couldn’t help but smile into the kiss as Renjun continued to move his lips with yours. 

When he finally broke away, he pressed his forehead to yours. “Think your mom will be happy?”

“I think she thinks we’re already dating.”

He laughed, pressing a kiss to your nose before grabbing your hand and helping you up.

The two of you walked back to your house hand in hand, smiling brightly as you argued who was the bigger idiot for not confessing before now.


End file.
